Personal Statement Draft 3

This is my third draft. 

I think it's much better, but still needs some work. 

It's a great deal shorter but is still too long. 

The ending needs the most work. My last paragraph is just awful! 

                It was beautiful as it lay in my hand, despite the swelling and abnormal coloring. The excitement within me was growing as I began to realize this was reality. I gently rolled it around in my hands, suppressing the urge to squeal like a little girl. I had waited so long for a moment like this; a moment experiencing the marvels of the human body hands-on. The heart monitor beeped occasionally in the background. The laparoscopic camera was inserted into the patient’s abdomen and I found myself feeling curious and excited. Fascinated by the complexity of the human body, I was thrilled to experience my first look inside a living human. It finally came into focus; we were looking at a swollen gallbladder. Dazed and amazed, I didn’t immediately hear the nurse telling me to put on gloves. I couldn’t believe what I was hearing; the nurse was going to let me hold a gallbladder. She placed the warm organ into my open hand and I wanted to jump for joy. I was actually holding an organ. I was holding an organ that had just been removed from a living human being. An organ that only minutes before had been part of this patient, embedded under the liver with blood pulsing through it. This was incredibly exciting to me.

                Holding the gallbladder ignited my desire to shadow more, observing any procedure I could. Eager to learn and experience medicine closely, I observed multiple surgeries.  It wasn’t until afterwards that I realized there was a problem. Shadowing surgery, while incredibly interesting, lacked patient contact for me. I waited in the operating room as one patient was wheeled out and the next one rolled in. I didn’t get any interaction with patients because they were all under anesthesia when I saw them!  In light of this, I dug deeper pursuing my interests in science and medicine, looking for patient contact.

               I had to look no further when I shadowed Dr. Carson at his private practice of internal medicine. As I sat patiently in the waiting room, the receptionist asked how I wanted to practice medicine some day. I hadn’t put too much thought into it at this point and said I was considering working as a hospitalist without any practice of my own to see a wide variety of patients every day. But once all those words escaped my mouth, I wanted to reel them back in. I realized that working as a hospitalist would not allow me to build relationships with patients because I probably wouldn’t see any of them again. I didn’t like that. I spent the majority of the day talking to the receptionist about how the office works, watching the nurse check blood pressures, and observing Dr. Carson himself diagnose patients. When I left that afternoon, I felt like my answer to the receptionist’s question had completely changed. I was already leaning towards internal medicine myself based on the science behind it, but I hadn’t considered the patient aspect of it until I met Dr. Carson. Watching him interact with patients, I could feel how genuinely he cares for each one. My answer changed because I realized I want what he has; his own practice and a large patient base that he knows personally beyond their medical chart. This led me to seek other opportunities to interact with people, such as tutoring, working as a teaching assistant, and becoming a weekly volunteer at Redmond Hospital.

                Outside of the classroom, I have hobbies like painting my nails, reading and playing clarinet. Some of my fondest memories revolve around my clarinet. I have been playing for almost nine years and this experience has greatly impacted my life. My high school band director, Mr. Barnett, taught me not only to be a better musician, but also to be better a better person. He taught me the importance of perseverance by pushing me to practice and continually improve, highlighting the truth behind the words practice makes perfect. I learned responsibility and dependability because he placed me in several leadership positions that demanded nothing less than an individual beyond capable of handling the position. He instilled the value of integrity within me. Last but not least, he taught me how to live life to the fullest by having enthusiasm. These five character traits form the acronym PRIDE, the epitome of my high school band. The things I learned through band bubbled over into my classes and I carried them to college. I will always carry them tucked in my back pocket to remind me of all my band director has taught me and of the wonderful memories band has given me, and to remind me to always show PRIDE in everything I do.

                In elementary school, they ask what you want to be when you grow up. Surrounded by future princesses and monster truck drivers, I said doctor. I’m not sure where the desire came from, especially in a family without any physicians. Growing older, the answers turned into being future veterinarians and lawyers but my answer never changed. I wondered if it was just because that’s what I had always said and I didn’t want to consider another answer. I started to question myself and my future. But the experiences I have had banished any doubt that I had and showed me the real side of being a doctor, beyond the stereotypical lifestyle I saw on TV. Shadowing is thrilling and leaves me wanting to see more, wanting to have my own experiences as a physician. The patient contact I have had fills a space in my heart that nothing else previously could. They light up with joy at the thought that I’m there to help them any way I can and I can also lend an ear to just listen to them. Tutoring other students taught me how to communicate better and to handle problems. Being a teaching assistant challenged me academically and allowed me to expand my responsibility and leadership skills.

                Reflecting on my background, I cannot help but smile. Whether it was not giving up while practicing a hard piece of music or tutoring other students in biology, these experiences along the road of my academic career have molded me into the person I am today by teaching me valuable character traits like discipline, compassion, integrity, and the true value of hard work. These values are combined with other skills that have not been perfected but are continuing to be refined. I gained insight into myself and was able to be self-correcting when needed. Yes, I have wanted to be a doctor for as long as I can remember. Maybe when I was younger, I wasn’t exactly sure why I wanted it or I wanted it for the wrong reasons. But now, I can say all that has changed. After experiencing first-hand what being a doctor is really like through clinical observations, I have realized medicine goes well beyond having a good job. My aspiration of becoming a physician has been reinforced multiple times, each experience more exciting and meaningful than the previous. Perhaps my answer to that familiar question never strayed from medicine because I was meant to care for patients and I was only slowly realizing it. Primary care involves a genuine passion to help people stay healthy with a desire to build long term relationships with patients so that in the process, the physician grows and develops as well. My perspective has been broadened to include the desire to have more patient interactions. With the right focused purpose behind my desire, I can only look forward to what lies ahead with eager eyes.

Personal Statement Draft 2

This is my second draft. 

It's not very different from the first. I think it's a little shorter.  

But still wayyyyy too long.

                 It was beautiful as it lay in my hand, despite the swelling and abnormal coloring. The excitement within me was growing as I began to realize this was reality. I gently rolled it around in my hands, suppressing the urge to squeal like a little girl. I had waited so long for a moment like this; a moment experiencing the marvels of human body hands-on.

                 The heart monitor beeped occasionally in the background. The scalpel reflected light beautifully as it lay on the tray along with various other tools. The smell of iodine lingered in the air. I watched silently as the first incision was made and a tiny drop of blood rolled down the skin of the patient. The laparoscopic camera was inserted into the patient’s abdomen and I found myself feeling curiosity and excitement. Fascinated by the complexity of the human body, I was thrilled to experience my first look inside a living human body. It was so interesting to watch as the surgeon navigated the small camera through the abdominal cavity and under the liver until it came into focus; we were looking at a swollen gallbladder. Watching the surgeon maneuver various tools inside the body to snip the ducts and main blood vessels of the gallbladder reminded me of the delicate motions of a ballerina. Dazed and amazed watching the gallbladder removed via the navel, I didn’t immediately hear the nurse telling me to put on gloves. I couldn’t believe what I was hearing; the nurse was going to let me hold a gallbladder. She placed the warm organ into my open hand and I wanted to jump for joy. I was actually holding an organ. I was holding an organ that had just been removed from a living human body. An organ that only minutes before had been part of this patient, imbedded under the liver with blood pulsing through it. This was incredibly exciting to me and right then I knew that I wanted to follow through and become a doctor.   

                 The gallbladder removal was not the first surgery I had shadowed. It was the last and, by far, the most exciting surgery I had watched in a series of shadowing physicians. During that shadowing adventure, I had spent about fifteen hours in observing in the operating room shadowing two doctors, Dr. Williams, a plastic surgeon, and Dr. Fromm, a general surgeon. I saw several different procedures ranging from a gastric plication and breast biopsies to a tummy tuck and a nasal lacrimal duct obstruction. I had only ever been on the patient side so it was very thrilling for me to put on scrubs and be in the operating room during a procedure on the physician side. I enjoyed shadowing and it only intensified my desire to become a physician.  I feel like I learned quite a bit just from observing but they were missing one thing. I had very little patient contact and I didn’t see any doctor-patient interactions, which was a problem. 

                 The problem was resolved when I shadowed another doctor, Dr. Carson, at his private practice of internal medicine. As I sat patiently in the waiting room, the receptionist was a busy bee handling patients walking in the door and answering phone calls. The receptionist asked how I wanted to practice medicine. I said I was looking into working as a hospitalist without any practice of my own to see a wide variety of patients every day. But as I was answering her, I realized that if I work as a hospitalist, I probably wouldn’t see most of my patients again and I didn’t like that. After that, I spent the majority of the day talking to the receptionist about how the office , watching the nurse check blood pressures, and observing Dr. Carson himself. By the time I left, my answer to the receptionist’s question had changed. As I watched Dr. Carson interact with his patients, I could feel how genuinely he cares for each one. He told me multiple times how much he enjoys his job and can’t picture himself doing anything else. My answer changed because I realized I want what he has; his own practice and a large patient base that he cares for. I realized that when I was younger, I was strictly focused on the academic side of medicine. Now, my focus has shifted. Instead of losing focus of the academics behind medicine, my perspective has been broadened to include the desire to have more patient interactions and to build long-term relationships with patients.  

                 With the right focused purpose behind my desire, my other qualifications seem to fall into place in helping to prepare me for the long, difficult path that lies ahead before I reach my goal of being a physician. Being involved in several different things throughout my academic career has taught me valuable lessons and developed many important characteristics that will carry me far in life. Tutoring fellow students, being a biology teaching assistant, gaining research experience, and performing clarinet have all played a role in shaping who I am today. I really enjoy the opportunity to tutor other students. I help them understand the material on a deeper level and share valuable studying and time management skills. Through this opportunity, I have gained insight in helping others and developed better study habits as well. There is no greater satisfaction than seeing a student I tutored light up with joy because they succeeded and knowing that I played a major role in helping them reach that point. The experience of being a teaching assistant was also rewarding. It challenged me academically and I greatly enjoyed working closely with a faculty member. Through preparing weekly quizzes and grading assignments, I could see how I was becoming more responsible. I feel like through being a teaching experience I had to develop my leadership skills and be a role model to some degree. I was given another opportunity to work closely with a faculty member. From now until I graduate, I am a research assistant for Dr. John Graham, a professor at Berry College. He is interested in developmental stability and fluctuating asymmetry. We use various strains of Drosophila melanogaster as well as a variety of environmental stressors to affect both the genetic and environmental factors of development. Through this opportunity, I will gain valuable research experience on a long-term level as well as responsibility and understanding how much effort and time goes into conducting research and publishing papers.  

                 Some of my fondest memories of high school and college revolve around my clarinet. I have been playing for almost nine years and out of all my other qualifications, I feel like this one has made the biggest impact on my life. My high school band director taught me not only to be a better musician, but also to be better a better person. He taught me the importance of perseverance by pushing me to practice and continually improve, highlighting the truth behind the words practice makes perfect. I learned responsibility and dependability because he placed me in several leadership positions that demanded nothing less than an individual beyond capable of handling the position. He told me stories to instill the value of integrity because it softens the heart and makes a person kind. Last but not least, he taught me how to live life to the fullest by having enthusiasm. These five character traits form the acronym PRIDE, the epitome of my high school band. The things I learned through band bubbled over into my classes and I even carried them to college. I will always carry them tucked in my back pocket to remind me of all my band director taught me, to remind me of the wonderful memories band has given me, and to remind me to always show PRIDE in everything I do.

                 Medical school seems to be the only option for what I have been striving for. Working hard along the way led not only to knowledge, but also to revelations and self-improvement. The challenges and opportunities I have faced have allowed me to gain insight into myself and be self-correcting. These values are combined with other skills that have not been perfected but are continuing to be refined. 

                 Whether it was practicing a hard piece of music on my clarinet and not giving up until I could play it or tutoring other students in biology, these experiences along the road of my academic career have molded me into the person I am today by teaching me valuable character traits like discipline, compassion, integrity, and the true value of hard work. Reflecting on my background, I can’t help but smile. Despite a few bumps along the way, I am proud of what I have accomplished and can only look forward to what lies ahead with eager eyes. Being in band opened my eyes to characteristics I didn’t already appreciate. Berry College only contributed by emphasizing service to others and highlighting the important balance of educating your head, heart, and hands.

                I have wanted to be a doctor for as long as I can remember. As I look back, I realize when I was younger, I wanted the high salary and the nobility that comes with the stethoscope. I think I wanted to be a doctor because it looked cool on TV. I was interested strictly in the science aspect of it and this only intensified as I grew older and learned more about science. I was considering a specialty in cardiology. But now, I can say that this has all changed. After experiencing first-hand what being a doctor is like through clinical observations, I have realized medicine goes well beyond having a good job and looking cool on TV. Primary care is about what’s behind the stereotypical life of a doctor you see on TV. It involves a genuine passion to help people and a desire to build long term relationships with patients so that in the process, the physician will grow and develop as a person as well. I want to be able to help people for any type of problem they have rather than focusing on a certain specialty. I want to build long term relationships with patients through my own practice of internal medicine in Georgia and I feel my background has prepared me to do so and reach my destiny.

Personal Statement Draft 1

This is my very first draft. It is super long.

I have many topics I want to cover and several things to say about each one. 

For this draft, I threw them all in so later I can go back and edit.  

                It was beautiful as it lay in my hand, despite the swelling and abnormal coloring. The excitement within me was growing as I began to realize this was reality. I gently rolled it around in my hands, suppressing the urge to squeal like a little girl. I had waited so long for a moment like this; a moment experiencing the marvels of human body hands-on.

                The heart monitor beeped occasionally in the background. The scalpel reflected light beautifully as it lay on the tray along with various other tools. The smell of iodine lingered in the air. I watched silently as the first incision was made and a tiny drop of blood rolled down the skin of the patient. The laparoscopic camera was inserted into the patient’s abdomen and I found myself feeling curiosity and excitement. Fascinated by the complexity of the human body, I was thrilled to experience my first look inside a living human body. It was so interesting to watch as the surgeon navigated the small camera through the abdominal cavity and under the liver until it came into focus; we were looking at a swollen gallbladder. Watching the surgeon maneuver various tools inside the body to snip the ducts and main blood vessels of the gallbladder reminded me of the delicate motions of a ballerina. Dazed and amazed watching the gallbladder removed via the navel, I didn’t immediately hear the nurse telling me to put on gloves. I couldn’t believe what I was hearing; the nurse was going to let me hold a gallbladder. She placed the warm organ into my open hand and I wanted to jump for joy. I was actually holding an organ. I was holding an organ that had just been removed from a living human body. An organ that only minutes before had been part of this patient, imbedded under the liver with blood pulsing through it. This was incredibly exciting to me and right then I knew that I wanted to follow through and become a doctor.  

                 The gallbladder removal was not the first surgery I had shadowed. It was the last and, by far, the most exciting surgery I had watched in a series of shadowing physicians. During that shadowing adventure, I had spent about fifteen hours in observing in the operating room shadowing two doctors, Dr. Williams, a plastic surgeon, and Dr. Fromm, a general surgeon. I saw several different procedures ranging from a gastric plication and breast biopsies to a tummy tuck and a nasal lacrimal duct obstruction. I had only ever been on the patient side so it was very thrilling for me to put on scrubs and be in the operating room during a procedure on the physician side. I enjoyed shadowing and it only intensified my desire to become a physician.  I feel like I learned quite a bit just from observing but they were missing one thing. I had very little patient contact and I didn’t see any doctor-patient interactions, which was a problem. 

                 The problem was resolved when I shadowed another doctor, Dr. Carson, at his private practice of internal medicine. As I sat patiently in the waiting room, the receptionist was a busy bee handling patients walking in the door and answering phone calls. The receptionist asked how I wanted to practice medicine. I said I was looking into working as a hospitalist without any practice of my own to see a wide variety of patients every day. But as I was answering her, I realized that if I work as a hospitalist, I probably wouldn’t see most of my patients again and I didn’t like that. After that, I spent the majority of the day talking to the receptionist about how the office , watching the nurse check blood pressures, and observing Dr. Carson himself. By the time I left, my answer to the receptionist’s question had changed. As I watched Dr. Carson interact with his patients, I could feel how genuinely he cares for each one. He told me multiple times how much he enjoys his job and can’t picture himself doing anything else. My answer changed because I realized I want what he has; his own practice and a large patient base that he cares for. I realized that when I was younger, I was strictly focused on the academic side of medicine. Now, my focus has shifted. Instead of losing focus of the academics behind medicine, my perspective has been broadened to include the desire to have more patient interactions and to build long-term relationships with patients.  

                 With the right focused purpose behind my desire, my other qualifications seem to fall into place in helping to prepare me for the long, difficult path that lies ahead before I reach my goal of being a physician. Being involved in several different things throughout my academic career has taught me valuable lessons and developed many important characteristics that will carry me far in life. Tutoring fellow students, being a biology teaching assistant, gaining research experience, and performing clarinet have all played a role in shaping who I am today. 

              I really enjoy the opportunity to tutor other students. I help them understand the material on a deeper level and share valuable studying and time management skills. Through this opportunity, I have gained insight in helping others and developed better study habits as well. There is no greater satisfaction than seeing a student I tutored light up with joy because they succeeded and knowing that I played a major role in helping them reach that point. The experience of being a teaching assistant was also rewarding. It challenged me academically and I greatly enjoyed working closely with a faculty member. Through preparing weekly quizzes and grading assignments, I could see how I was becoming more responsible. I feel like through being a teaching experience I had to develop my leadership skills and be a role model to some degree. 

             I was given another opportunity to work closely with a faculty member. From now until I graduate, I am a research assistant for Dr. John Graham, a professor at Berry College. He is interested in developmental stability and fluctuating asymmetry. We use various strains of Drosophila melanogaster as well as a variety of environmental stressors to affect both the genetic and environmental factors of development. Through this opportunity, I will gain valuable research experience on a long-term level as well as responsibility and understanding how much effort and time goes into conducting research and publishing papers.   

               Some of my fondest memories of high school and college revolve around my clarinet. I have been playing for almost nine years and out of all my other qualifications, I feel like this one has made the biggest impact on my life. My high school band director taught me not only to be a better musician, but also to be better a better person. He taught me the importance of perseverance by pushing me to practice and continually improve, highlighting the truth behind the words practice makes perfect. I learned responsibility and dependability because he placed me in several leadership positions that demanded nothing less than an individual beyond capable of handling the position. He told me stories to instill the value of integrity because it softens the heart and makes a person kind. Last but not least, he taught me how to live life to the fullest by having enthusiasm. These five character traits form the acronym PRIDE, the epitome of my high school band. The things I learned through band bubbled over into my classes and I even carried them to college. I will always carry them tucked in my back pocket to remind me of all my band director taught me, to remind me of the wonderful memories band has given me, and to remind me to always show PRIDE in everything I do.

              Medical school seems to be the only option for what I have been striving for. Working hard along the way led not only to knowledge, but also to revelations and self-improvement. The challenges and opportunities I have faced have allowed me to gain insight into myself and be self-correcting. These values are combined with other skills that have not been perfected but are continuing to be refined. 

These skills will help me face the challenges of medical school and will be valuable later in practicing medicine. Whether it was practicing a hard piece of music on my clarinet and not giving up until I could play it or tutoring other students in biology, these experiences along the road of my academic career have molded me into the person I am today by teaching me valuable character traits like discipline, compassion, integrity, and the true value of hard work.

              Reflecting on my background, I can’t help but smile. Despite a few bumps along the way, I am proud of what I have accomplished and can only look forward to what lies ahead with eager eyes. Being in band opened my eyes to characteristics I didn’t already appreciate. Berry College only contributed by emphasizing service to others and highlighting the important balance of educating your head, heart, and hands. I have wanted to be a doctor for as long as I can remember. As I look back, I realize when I was younger, I wanted the high salary and the nobility that comes with the stethoscope. I think I wanted to be a doctor because it looked cool on TV. I was interested strictly in the science aspect of it and this only intensified as I grew older and learned more about science. I was considering a specialty in cardiology. But now, I can say that this has all changed. 

               After experiencing first-hand what being a doctor is like through clinical observations, I have realized medicine goes well beyond having a good job and looking cool on TV. Primary care is about what’s behind the stereotypical life of a doctor you see on TV. It involves a genuine passion to help people and a desire to build long term relationships with patients so that in the process, the physician will grow and develop as a person as well. I want to be able to help people for any type of problem they have rather than focusing on a certain specialty. I want to build long term relationships with patients through my own practice of internal medicine in Georgia and I feel my background has prepared me to do so and reach my destiny.

Big Brother Premiere

 

Finally, the new season of Big Brother has started!!

This is the 14th season. It has 12 newbies (shown above) and 4 returning houseguests.
Front row: Ashley, Jodi, Joe, Ian, Danielle, Jojo, and Willie.
Back row: Wil, Kara, Shane, Jenn, and Frank.
 

The night before the premier, it was confirmed that the returning houseguests are:

Janelle Pierzina (from BB6, BB7 All Stars)

Britney Haynes (from BB12)

Mike Boogie Malin (from BB2, BB7 All Stars winner)

Dan Gheesling (from BB2 winner)

Julie explained they are returning as "mentors." Each mentor picked three newbies to coach. 

If a newbie on their team wins the $500,000, the coach wins $100,000 as well.

So it seems we have TWO games going on at once in the house this year. 

 Julie mentioned one houseguest will be leaving before the premier is even over! 

We're taken to the backyard and each mentor gets to pick team members.

Dan's team: Kara, Danielle, Jodi.

Janelle’s Team: Wil, Ashley and Joe.

Boogie’s Team: Frank, Ian and Jen

Britney’s Team: Shane, Willie and JoJo

This picture is from Big Brother Network.

The first competition was called Mattress Mayhem. 

They have to bounce across spinning, springy, and flipping mattresses 

and return three teddy bears to their team. 

The mentor of the winning team will pick someone on their team to be the first HOH. 

The mentor of the last place team will pick someone on their team to leave the house already!

Team Britney wins and she picks Willie to be HOH.

Team Dan loses. He picks Jodi to be evicted.

***Warning: SPOILERS!!***

According to the live feeds, Frank and Kara have been nominated.

The veto competition was Friday and Shane won.
Ashley was pulled out to go to the doctor for her back pain. But she is back in the house now. 

The episodes will come on Sundays at 8pm (nominations),
Wednesdays at 8pm (POV), and Thursday at 9pm (live evictions/HOH) on CBS.

Meet the Big Brother 14 Cast

 

Ashley Iocco is living in California.

She is 26 and owns a mobile spray tanning company.  

Her strategy is to play everyone and come off as a dumb, ditzy blonde. 

She definitely has that covered. 

Currently in  the house, she is having some back pain problems 

that could possibly cause her to leave the game!

 

Danielle Murphree is 23. She lives in Alabama. 

She is a nurse but told the houseguests she is a kindergarten teacher. 

Boogie has figured it out, though. 

Her strategy is to seem like someone that's not a threat and not smart. 

Frank Eudy. 

He is 28 and unemployed because he just moved to Florida. 

The houseguests went into major paranoid mode when he said he didn't have a job. 

They all think he's hiding something.

He plans to win BB by creating a "dream team," giving a specific role to each member.

Ian Terry is a 21 year old chemical engineering student at Tulane in New Orleans. 

He definitely gives off the nerd vibe. 

His strategy is to be part of a six person alliance and seen as the 4th strongest of the group.

Jen Arroyo is a 37 year old rocker chick. 

A lesbian rocker chick. She is a musician from New York.

Her strategy is to simply be herself, "a fun, twisted puzzle to unfold." 

Jodi Rollins is 42. She works as a waitress in California.

She is 42. She says she's really active and runs marathons, but her body shape says otherwise. 

She is a newlywed. Her strategy is to let people underestimate her. 

Joe Arvin is a 41 year old chef. 

He lives in Indiana.

He plans to use his cooking skill to carry him to the end of the game. 

Jojo Spatafora is 26 and sassy. 

She is a bartender from New York.

She says she has a strategy but didn't want to tell CBS. 

She thought it was a trick question!

Kara Monaco is a model.

She is 29 and lives in LA. 

She doesn't really have a strategy but knows you must be great competitively and socially.

Shane Meaney is a house flipper from Vermont.

He is 26. His strategy is to make friends in the house while maintaining his competitive edge. 

Wil Heuser is a spunky gay guy. He's 24. 

He works as a marketing consultant in Kentucky.

His strategy is to play "the nice guy." 

Willie Hantz is a tankerman from Louisiana.

He is 34 and plans to create confusion in the house to keep the target off himself. 

His brother, Russel, played on Survivor.