This is my third draft.
I think it's much better, but still needs some work.
It's a great deal shorter but is still too long.
The ending needs the most work. My last paragraph is just awful!
It was beautiful
as it lay in my hand, despite the swelling and abnormal coloring. The
excitement within me was growing as I began to realize this was reality. I
gently rolled it around in my hands, suppressing the urge to squeal like a
little girl. I had waited so long for a moment like this; a moment experiencing
the marvels of the human body hands-on. The heart monitor beeped occasionally
in the background. The laparoscopic camera was inserted into the patient’s
abdomen and I found myself feeling curious and excited. Fascinated by the
complexity of the human body, I was thrilled to experience my first look inside
a living human. It finally came into focus; we were looking at a swollen
gallbladder. Dazed and amazed, I didn’t immediately hear the nurse telling me
to put on gloves. I couldn’t believe what I was hearing; the nurse was going to
let me hold a gallbladder. She placed the warm organ into my open hand and I
wanted to jump for joy. I was actually holding an organ. I was holding an organ
that had just been removed from a living human being. An organ that only
minutes before had been part of this patient, embedded under the liver with
blood pulsing through it. This was incredibly exciting to me.
Holding the
gallbladder ignited my desire to shadow more, observing any procedure I could.
Eager to learn and experience medicine closely, I observed multiple
surgeries. It wasn’t until afterwards
that I realized there was a problem. Shadowing surgery, while incredibly interesting,
lacked patient contact for me. I waited in the operating room as one patient
was wheeled out and the next one rolled in. I didn’t get any interaction with
patients because they were all under anesthesia when I saw them! In light of this, I dug deeper pursuing my
interests in science and medicine, looking for patient contact.
I had to look no further when I shadowed Dr. Carson at his private
practice of internal medicine. As
I sat patiently in the waiting room, the receptionist asked how I wanted to
practice medicine some day. I hadn’t put too much thought into it at this point
and said I was considering working as a hospitalist without any practice of my
own to see a wide variety of patients every day. But once all those words
escaped my mouth, I wanted to reel them back in. I realized that working as a
hospitalist would not allow me to build relationships with patients because I
probably wouldn’t see any of them again. I didn’t like that. I spent the
majority of the day talking to the receptionist about how the office works,
watching the nurse check blood pressures, and observing Dr. Carson himself
diagnose patients. When I left that afternoon, I felt like my answer to the
receptionist’s question had completely changed. I was already leaning
towards internal medicine myself based on the science behind it, but I hadn’t
considered the patient aspect of it until I met Dr. Carson. Watching him
interact with patients, I could
feel how genuinely he cares for each one. My answer changed because I realized
I want what he has; his own practice and a large patient base that he knows
personally beyond their medical chart. This led me to seek other opportunities
to interact with people, such as tutoring, working as a teaching assistant, and
becoming a weekly volunteer at Redmond Hospital.
Outside of the classroom, I have
hobbies like painting my nails, reading and playing clarinet. Some of my
fondest memories revolve around my clarinet. I have been playing for almost
nine years and this experience has greatly impacted my life. My high school band
director, Mr. Barnett, taught me not only to be a better musician, but also to
be better a better person. He taught me the importance of perseverance by
pushing me to practice and continually improve, highlighting the truth behind
the words practice makes perfect. I learned responsibility and dependability
because he placed me in several leadership positions that demanded nothing less
than an individual beyond capable of handling the position. He instilled the
value of integrity within me. Last but not least, he taught me how to live life
to the fullest by having enthusiasm. These five character traits form the
acronym PRIDE, the epitome of my high school band. The things I learned through
band bubbled over into my classes and I carried them to college. I will always
carry them tucked in my back pocket to remind me of all my band director has
taught me and of the wonderful memories band has given me, and to remind me to
always show PRIDE in everything I do.
In elementary
school, they ask what you want to be when you grow up. Surrounded by future
princesses and monster truck drivers, I said doctor. I’m not sure where the
desire came from, especially in a family without any physicians. Growing older,
the answers turned into being future veterinarians and lawyers but my answer
never changed. I wondered if it was just because that’s what I had always said
and I didn’t want to consider another answer. I started to question myself and
my future. But the experiences I have had banished any doubt that I had and showed
me the real side of being a doctor, beyond the stereotypical lifestyle I saw on
TV. Shadowing is thrilling and leaves me wanting to see more, wanting to have
my own experiences as a physician. The patient contact I have had fills a space
in my heart that nothing else previously could. They light up with joy at the
thought that I’m there to help them any way I can and I can also lend an ear to
just listen to them. Tutoring other students taught me how to communicate
better and to handle problems. Being a teaching assistant challenged me
academically and allowed me to expand my responsibility and leadership skills.
Reflecting on my background, I
cannot help but smile. Whether it was not giving up while practicing a hard
piece of music or tutoring other students in biology, these experiences along
the road of my academic career have molded me into the person I am today by
teaching me valuable character traits like discipline, compassion, integrity,
and the true value of hard work. These values are combined with other skills
that have not been perfected but are continuing to be refined. I gained insight
into myself and was able to be self-correcting when needed. Yes, I have wanted
to be a doctor for as long as I can remember. Maybe when I was younger, I wasn’t
exactly sure why I wanted it or I wanted it for the wrong reasons. But now, I
can say all that has changed. After experiencing first-hand what being a doctor
is really like through clinical observations, I have realized medicine goes
well beyond having a good job. My aspiration of becoming a physician has been
reinforced multiple times, each experience more exciting and meaningful than
the previous. Perhaps my answer to that familiar question never strayed from
medicine because I was meant to care for patients and I was only slowly
realizing it. Primary care involves a genuine passion to help people stay
healthy with a desire to build long term relationships with patients so that in
the process, the physician grows and develops as well. My perspective has been
broadened to include the desire to have more patient interactions. With the
right focused purpose behind my desire, I can only look forward to what lies
ahead with eager eyes.
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