MCAT scores

The long awaited (and dreaded) day has come. 

My scores were released June 26. 

First, let's remember my practice test scores. 

 The last one I took before my Kaplan class was a 21. 

Full practice #1 and #2 - - 25

Full practice #3 - - it crashed (skipped verbal section) and I didn't redo it. 

Full practice #4 - - 22

Full practice #5 - - 24 

Now, let's recap how I felt about the MCAT after I took it. 

On test day, I did feel ready. 

I wasn't nervous until I was in the waiting room with loud people 

and I was afraid I missed them calling my name.

That was the worst. Sitting. Just waiting.
After being called on, the nerves went away. I don't remember feeling scared.
Mainly worried that I would do something wrong and get in trouble.
There were so many cameras.
And that metal detecting wand!
And the fingerprint scans. SO MANY FINGERPRINT SCANS!
Serious business.
I was given to locker for all my stuff.
 I didn't like the computers we used.
The mouse was difficult to click and it was hard to adjust to that computer.
The keyboard keys also clicked really loud - so glad I had earplugs! 

The physical sciences section seemed somewhat easy..I was surprised.
And suspicious so I was questioning myself more than usual.
I didn't wear my jacket for that section and I was comfortable until the very end.

I paced myself very well on the verbal section
and the passages weren't terribly too long.
I even had time to spare at the end.
The essays topics were manageable.
I was happy that they weren't too abstract/difficult/challenging.
I don't even remember what they were. That's annoying.
I think one was something to do with politicians and the other was about the Internet.
Geez, I really wish I could remember what they were!

The biological sciences section didn't go as smoothly.
For example, one passage referred to something on a chart
and I bet I spent 5 whole minutes searching the chart for it!
I never found it! It just wasn't there.
The pictures were hard to read too, with small words.     

So, I had no choice but to guess on some questions.

I think I actually felt pretty good about the test while taking it.




But... 

I made a 25.

Verbal: 8  

Physical Sci: 7

Biological Sci: 10

My writing sample score is so bad that I refuse to post it.  

I'm not sure how I feel these scores yet. 

Wait.. yes I do!

I don't like them. 

I hate them.

I wish they were higher. 

I know I can do better. 

This doesn't feel real yet. 

I hope nobody asks about them because I don't want to tell anybody.

I want to check the website over and over thinking they will change. 

These scores also brought alot of self-doubt. 

Panic. Sadness. Shame. Anger.

What happened? 

How could I have done so ...average?? 

Am I not good enough? 

People will think I'm dumb. 

What if I'm not cut out for medicine? 

What if I can't make it? 

What do I do now?

My practice tests plateaued at a 25, so getting an actual score of 25 shouldn't have surprised me. But, I am disappointed. After I took the MCAT, I felt decent but also had mixed feelings about how I did. But I was CERTAINLY expecting higher than a 25 at that point. The essay score really bothers me. I remember feeling a little uneasy about it afterwards but I was very shocked to see it was that low. I hate that it's that low. I feel so disappointed in myself. My essay topics did not seem rather difficult or abstract, but I did have some trouble finding a example to use. On my practice essays, I didn't usually have so much trouble finding a example and the scores weren't anywhere near that low. I suppose it was nerves and stress.Not that that's an acceptable excuse. I guess I just choked. And by that point, I was getting tired. 

Perhaps the hardest part of all this mess, is knowing that I've always been an overachiever.
I have always gone beyond what's asked, without much effort sometimes.
Then, I work so hard studying for the MCAT, only to realize I'm ...average.

Anyways, so now I stand at a crossroad. 

Do I retake it? 

Should I still apply? 

Do I have any other options? 

So many big questions. Hard questions to answer. 

I'm the only one that can answer them. And I have no idea what to do. 

So what did I do? 

I scheduled a meeting with my pre-med advisor.