After receiving feedback from Dr. Wood and Sergei, I made this draft.
I have crossed some things out because I'm still deciding about changing them.
This draft is below the character count limit of 5,300. SUCCESS!
It was beautiful
as it lay in my hand, despite the swelling and abnormal coloring. The
excitement within me was growing. I gently rolled it around in my hands, trying
to convince myself this was really happening. I had waited so long for a moment
like this; a moment experiencing the marvels of the human body hands-on. As the
heart monitor occasionally beeped in the background, the tiny camera plunged
into the patient’s abdomen. Fascinated by the complexity of the human body, I
was thrilled to experience my first look inside a living human. It finally came
into focus; we were looking at a swollen gallbladder. Carefully, it was removed
via the navel. A nurse handed me a pair of gloves and placed the warm organ
into my open hand and I wanted to jump for joy. I was actually holding an
organ. I was holding an organ that only minutes before had been part of this
patient. This was incredibly exciting to me. Holding the gallbladder
ignited my desire to shadow more. Eager to experience medicine closely, I
observed multiple surgeries. But I realized there was a problem. Shadowing
surgery, while incredibly interesting, lacked patient contact for me.
In elementary
school, they ask what you want to be when you grow up. Surrounded by future
princesses and monster truck drivers, I said doctor. Growing older, the other answers
turned into future veterinarians and lawyers but mine never changed. I wondered if it was just because that’s what
I had always said and I didn’t want to consider another answer. I started to
question myself and my future. But the experiences I had observing surgery
banished any doubt that I had and showed me the real side of being a doctor.
Shadowing is thrilling and leaves me wanting to see more; wanting to have my
own experiences as a physician. I dug deeper pursuing my interest in shadowing,
looking for patient contact. I shadowed Dr. Carson at his private practice of
internal medicine. While I was there, I was asked how I want to practice
medicine some day. I hadn’t put too much thought into it at this point and said
I was considering working as a hospitalist to see a wide variety of patients
every day. I spent the majority of the day talking to the receptionist about
how the office works, watching the nurse check blood pressures, and observing
Dr. Carson himself diagnose patients. When I left that afternoon, I felt like
my answer to the receptionist’s question had completely changed. Watching
Dr. Carson interact with patients, I could feel how genuinely he cares for each
one. My answer changed because I realized I want a patient base that I can know
as more than just a medical chart.
Outside of
medicine, I have a variety of interests and activities. I have been playing
clarinet for almost nine years and it has greatly impacted my life. My high
school band director, Mr. Barnett, taught me not only to be a better musician,
but also to be better a better person. He taught me the importance of
perseverance by pushing me to practice and continually improve, highlighting the
truth behind the words practice makes perfect. I learned responsibility and
dependability because he placed me in several leadership positions. The things
I learned through band bubbled over into other parts of my life. For example, I
auditioned for a music scholarship at Berry. I have never worked so hard for
anything in my entire life. I practiced for hours every day, until I finally
reached the point where my fingers seemed to move by themselves. My audition
performance was the best I have ever played my clarinet. My perseverance and
hard work paid off and I was incredibly proud of myself. While I’m at school, I
tutor fellow students in biology and work as a teaching assistant in a biology
lab. Both of these jobs challenge me academically and teach me how to
communicate better. The very first girl I tutored left a great impression
on me. She made an A after failing the class the semester before. She was so
grateful to me and it warmed my heart to know that I helped her succeed. In my
free time, I paint nail art. It gives me an outlet to express my creativity and
I love the challenge of painting difficult designs. I take pictures and keep
them all on my blog, Tip Top Nails.
Perhaps my answer
to that familiar question never strayed from medicine because I was meant to
care for patients and I was only slowly realizing it. I have gained insight
into myself along the way. Whether it was not giving up while practicing a hard
piece of music or tutoring other students in biology, these experiences
along the road of my academic career have molded me into the person I am today
by teaching me valuable character traits like discipline, compassion,
integrity, and the true value of hard work. These skills have prepared me for
the challenges of being a doctor, such as working long hours and seeing many
patients. My aspiration of becoming a physician has been reinforced multiple
times, each experience more exciting and meaningful than the previous. My
perspective has been broadened to include the desire to have more patient
interactions. With the right focused purpose behind my desire, I can only look
forward to what lies ahead with eager eyes.
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