Recent Thoughts

My friend Mandi, who was a college roommate one year, wants to be a pharmacist. She is motivated, determined, and has the potential to great things. She is the same age as me but graduated college in three years, not four, like me. She had her white coat ceremony today and she starts her PHARMACY SCHOOL classes on Monday. She is right where she wants to be, right where she planned to be, right where she needs to be. 

And what about me? My plans?

Average MCAT. I literally cringe every time I think about being average. 

No AMCAS ready to submit. Started! But not finished.

No personal statement finished. Almost! But not perfect yet.

No secondaries coming in to fill out.

Not enough shadowing done yet. I'll tackle this one later.  

I'm so angry at myself.

Mainly, for being average. I don't know why that is so hard for me to accept. It's insulting to me to be considered "average." It even sounds like derogatory when I say it in my head. It makes me feel like I have failed.

For not studying harder. Smarter. More. For not taking advantage of all the resources I had available to me.. like the flashcards. Especially the flashcards!! All those stupid flashcards! So MANY flashcards.

For not pushing hard to finish and submit my AMCAS, just to see what happens.. They have received over 28,000 apps to date. Each one takes 6 weeks to process before it even gets sent to the schools. Even if I worked my butt off and finished my app today and submitted tomorrow.. The schools wouldn't get it until mid October.. 

which means missed deadlines = not accepted.

So this semester, I am going to take my MCAT flashcards and try to study a few here and there, throughout the semester. This way, if I do end up deciding to retest, I won't feel so overwhelmed by amount of material.

I am going to graduate in May 2013. I will apply to enter PA school in 2014. I will apply early. I want to be ready to hit submit the first few days the application is open. By applying early, it will leave room to retake the MCAT in time to apply for medical school,

 if I don't get in to PA school.

The fear of failure has set in. 

Am I taking the easy way out? I suppose you could call it that. 

I prefer to call it a detour. Because that's what it is. My main "road" had some bumps and a blockage so I found an alternate route that leads to basically the same destination. The detour just happens to be shorter, cheaper, and easier! But the detour will either be carry me onward, or be blocked as well and force me back to the main road to try again. I do still plan on trying med school. Eventually. I just want to see how PA school could turn out first. I might even consider going to medical school after I have been a PA for a few years. 

It's all up in the air right now. 

Even the idea of when Aaron and I are getting married.

We'll sees what the future holds.